I love my training. It all started when I was 8 years old. I don’t remember how my mother met Sensei R but she did and she is the reason I was introduced to Karate. I’ll never forget my first day or the feeling of walking onto the dojo floor for the first time. Nervous, shy and a bit embarrassed. It was my brother, my best friend Sabrina and me. Apparently my brother was too all over the place and also not one to listen to authority very well, so he never continued. Sabrina didn’t want to take off her socks, mostly because she is a big baby mamma girl, no lie she is still like that to this day!! Needless to say she never pursued it. Somehow something struck me that day and I was instantly hooked. I almost can’t believe it, me this timid and shy little girl who never wanted to speak to anybody. I had a whisper for a voice. I guess it was my challenge. Something to bring me out of my shell.
I have to admit I hated going up in front of everybody, especially when we had to do our forms. I would’ve done anything to run out of there and not be found. However I still kept going back for more. The idea of being able to protect myself is what I think kept me in my training despite how much I couldn’t stand the idea of being the only one talking/performing in a room full of people. For me this is still a struggle. My lack of self-confidence at times gets in the way. It’s not always there anymore and that is thanks to all my upper belts for pushing me to get up there and just do it. Especially Sensei and Sensei G, the both of you were and still are very encouraging. For me it’s always a comfort to have the both of you point out what I’ve done right. I do have a tendency to harp on what I’ve done wrong and then that is it for me, I’ll end up messing everything else up. So again thanks for the constant encouragement, you’ll never fully understand how much its helps me.
Growing up a product of divorced parents is never easy I was, in the easiest of words, the ping pong ball from one parent to another. Then I had my younger brother to look out for, he is blood I will always stand by his side. However, as young girl dealing with all that pressure and of course the pressure of figuring myself out, the sense of self-preservation kept me moving forward. Somehow I managed to do so. This again comes back to my training. There’s nothing more relieving than punching a bag just to get all that frustration cut. At 16, I lost myself and was wrapped up in growing up. There was the pressure of school and friends and I found myself completely engulfed in that. I lost my feeling for karate and I knew I wasn’t putting my all into in anymore, so I quit. I always had an intention of coming back I just never knew when that may happen. I will say I did from time to time bump into both Bobby and Glen, they always asked me when I was coming back. I’d find myself responding with the same answer … “soon”. Soon finally hit at the age of 24.
Now at 25 my black belt promotion has come. I couldn’t be more ecstatic!! It took a lot to get here. I will always remember Sensei, Sensei Falcone, and Sensei Lyman saying “no matter what has happened outside of class thatremains outside and once we are on the dojo floor we have to keep a clear mind”. At such a young age I could never fully understand what they meant. Now that I’m older,somewhat wiser, and much more mature, I’ve come to fully understand that meaning, When I walk on that floor everything else doesn’t matter, it’s simply me and my training. Never in my life have I ever felt more relaxed, at ease and completely normal again than when I walk off that floor at the end of the night. It is the most peaceful feeling and I strive for that on a daily basis. As a result of my training my self-confidence grows daily and it really is a rewarding feeling. I know this is a daily struggle for me but when I put my mind to it, it gets easier. As I have heard Sensei say at the previous black belt promotion this isn’t the end of my journey just simply the beginning and I look forward to every moment of it.
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